Brother has difficulty communicating to me throughout the meeting because he was getting used to my new look. Actually, I have not changed anything except by merely tucking my hair behind my ears. When he complimented that I looked better, I dismissed him immediately by suspecting that he had some underlying agenda, eg made me do more work for him, or got me to do him some favour. He reprimanded me for not learning how to take a compliment graciously.
Asians often find it difficult to take compliments graciously. When we get complimented, we will dismiss it as “You flattered me…” or “I am just lucky…”, etc. Some of us may wonder if the compliments precede a request or some other underlying motive. Few of us simply thank the complimentor instead of being wishy-washy about the entire incident.
Perhaps this is associated with the Asian society where we value humility. When we perform well in school and work, we attribute to luck instead of our own skills or hard work. When others compliment about your obedient children or doting husband, we will need to add in comments to rebuke such compliments, for instance, they were only nice in front of guests, etc. We thought that by doing so, we will appear humble rather than gloating over our fortunes. We thought that this will make those who have less feel less upset about their situation. In the eyes of the complimentor, it will just emphasize the incident and make the complimentee appear hypocritical.
So the next time one hears a compliment, just thank the person giving the compliment and perhaps we can try complimenting something about the other person. There was this saying that a compliment a day can lift one’s spirits. However, this should be done with sincerity and truthfulness.
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