The host - Flying Dutchman invited 4 male guests whom included Hossan Leong and Willin Loh to share why Singaporeans are not getting married and making babies. Before you go "Oh! No! Here again?!?!?", I assure you that it was pretty interesting to hear this issue from the perspective of another gender. For some time, we focused on the Singapore women and what stopped them from having babies. Now, we hear from the men why they too had a part to play, especially when a sloppy guy who wore flip flops to his first date was cited on national TV.
Before we even talk about having babies, we need to get people to tie the knot. The rising prosperity of Singapore's economy and the educational level of women had once been attributed as the main factors for later marriages and rising divorce rates. I wonder if these were the sole reasons. However, to completely dismiss them appeared illogical as trends showed a correlation. Increasingly, other reasons such as how it could be stressful juggling both careers and family for working mothers and the high cost of raising a child (from education to infant care) started to take centre stage. Such concerns normally came from the female perspectives. What were some of the thoughts of the men?
While women complained about the lack of social graces of some men, the men were stressed by women who judged each date on potential husband material checklist. This robbed the joy of dating. Indeed, this might put many men off. This was also one reason why some older men chose to date younger women to avoid this stress.
It was certainly entertaining and insightful to hear from the men. Let's face it. Sometimes, we women can get too preoccupied by our concerns, our stress, our difficulties that we inevitably influence our better halves. So, are the men freed of all charges? Well, personally, I have also had my fair share of lousy "dates" (both the persons and the events), mostly non-chivalrous men. To quote a few examples, I have met dates who are grossly late. Erm, if you are so busy with your other appointments, maybe I should not take up any more of your time. I have also met dates who completely disregard my presence by walking way ahead of me. Hello, I do not think I am such a disgrace to be walked beside. Moreoever, we are not in a short sprint here. I have met dates whose wallets miraculously disappear when it is bill-time. Come-on, many Singaporean women are financially independent these days. We will often offer to go dutch.
Does this mean that Singaporean men are beyond redemption? Certainly not, we women must also do some self-reflection too.
We shake our heads when our dates appear in flip flops and bermudas. No doubt, our dates have to be blamed for making such a social faux pas, especially when we are attending a concerts or dining at a restaurant, maybe it is signal that our dates are more comfortable in a more casual setting. Or, in the worst case scenario, our dates hinting BIG-time of their disinterest in us by simply not making any effort and appearing obnoxious?
We complain that the men are not helping enough with household chores and taking care of the family. Well, Singapore men, get off your couch and start vacuuming right away. Women, please keep out of the way, instead of being a commando, giving instructions and criticising continuously before jumping in and taking over. We have our fair share of being scolded by our bosses or snubbed by our peers at work, let us not create the same environment at home. Furthermore, everyone learns from mistakes. So what if the dust still accumulates at the corners or water drips on the floor during the mop. It can only get better the next time.
Everyone dislikes being judged as a potential husband or wife material on the first date. Everyone hates it more when the likelihood of the next date is determined completely by this first judgement. Hey, there are some late bloomers where their true potential will only reveal at a later stage. Much as we are anxious of ensnaring the most eligible male out there, we also want the feelings to be mutually reciprocated. By bringing out our checklist too prematurely, we will only be shooting ourselves with our guns. Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you. In the same manner, we also do not want our dates to judge us as a potential mother or wife material on the first date. Just relax and enjoy each other's company.
As much as it sounds very cliche, it does take take two hands to clap. While women always lament about men not understanding them, have we always try to put ourselves in the shoes of the men? If it is tough for women, it is similarly tough for men.
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